Saturday, January 22, 2005

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen...

In light of the fact that it is now snowing, I have proclaimed that I shall cook today. This is not something I normally do. This is not something I particularly like to do, but once in a while I get the urge to build something from nothing. The urge to create. To capitalize on the key tastes of ingredients to form, well, something.

  1. Endust (for dusting off cookbook) - CHECK
  2. milk - CHECK
  3. butter - CHECK
  4. pasta - CHECK
  5. spices - CHECK
  6. sauces - CHECK
  7. jumbo shrimp - CHECK
  8. water - CHECK
  9. fire extinguisher - CHECK, DOUBLE-CHECK
  10. phone number to Papa Johns (just in case) - CHECK

I'm a firm believer that grocery stores should be divided by skill level. All your serious cooking supplies would be in the "advanced" isles, things like can vegetables and sauces would be in the "intermediate" isles. And then you'd have your beginner isles, which would contain all your frozen foods, like TV dinners, pizzas, hot pockets, chips, soda, and ice cream. They should have a guard at the entrance of the fresh meat section to card you. I can see it now...

"I'm sorry sir, you're not qualified to cook this turkey. You mind if I take a look in your cart? You don't have anything else in here that's over your head do you?."

There'd be a shady looking guy on the front sidewalk as you left the store...

"Psst... wanna buy a turkey?"

So wish me luck in my endeavor, and when you're trying to picture me taking on this challenge, it's probably going to be something like this: