Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Yo quiero Taco Bell...

I love Mexican food. Let me rephrase that. I love decent Mexican food.

I used to frequent a local Mexican restaurant with former co-workers 2-3 times a week. In fact, I think I single-handedly put the owner's kids through college. Not working with that crowd anymore, hence not eating there daily, I got a REALLY strong craving for Mexican food the other day. It was the kind of craving that overrides everything else in your life and manifests itself as a mission.

Being just me, I didn't want to go sit down in the normal restaurant we eat at, so I settled for the next best thing: Taco Bell (which is right next door to the good restaurant coincidentally). I was off. A man with a mission. And like Sally Struthers reaching for a twinkie, nothing was going to stop me.

As I approached Taco Bell I noticed that the sign appeared to be damaged, with only the lower part of the sign remaining. The part that read "Drive Thru" was the only part left. I have posted a photo to help illustrate:

Upon further examination I noticed the parking lot was empty and ALL of the buildings signs have been removed. It was at this point I began to panic. Where was my taco fix going end? I drove by slowly, surveying the site like a hitman. What kind of town do I live in where TACO BELL can't even stay afloat?!?! It costs them like 3 cents per taco to make!

But alas, there was a glimmer of hope. I spotted cars in the drive thru. And yes my friends, they were ordering. Maybe it was a remodel? Maybe a new look? So I pulled on up to the speakerbox.

I took a glance at the menu and noticed that most of the same items were still up but the Taco Bell logos have been removed. Hmm. I order, cautiously, and wait for a response.

"What?" blares from the speaker.

I repeat my order TWO more times and pull around to the window.

My spy instincts force me to glare into the window to gather as much intel as possible on the situation. The employees (all two of them) are wearing bright yellow shirts with the words Taco Del _____ (I couldn't see the third) embroidered on them. My drink was dispensing into a styrofoam cup and the bag she handed me had no markings on it whatsoever.

It was at this moment that I realized my Taco Bell had perished.

The receipt she handed me read Taco del Casa. TACO OF THE HOUSE?!?!! No! No. No.

Now I'm not one that checks the contents of their order before leaving the drive thru. I usually just toss it in the seat next to me. Sure I've been burned a few times, but "danger" is my middle name.

So I get home and reach my hand in the bag and pull out the first of my 6 tacos. To my surprise, it's wrapped in ALUMINUM FOIL like some cheap wings. All 6 of them were. I unwrapped it and got my next surprise.

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You can see from that image that the "taco guts" only fill up about 1/3 of the taco shell. THAT'S NOT A TACO! That's a corn chip with a piece of lettuce! And the picture I posted is of the fullest taco of the 6. Sad. Just sad.

So heed my warning. If you're ever in Dover, DE, and itchin' for Mexican, The Taco of the House isn't what you want to scratch that itch. Ever.

Me too dog. Me too.