Friday, September 01, 2006

In the ghetto...

I really can't wait to move up north. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

The fact that my ceiling is leaking like a sieve is not helping matters. I'm not surprised. This is about the 18th time. It's fun to have my own little fountain of youth in my 2nd bedroom. The disintegration of plaster, paint and drywall is a beautiful thing to see.

And you know what makes it even better? I have ALL of my stuff packed in cardboard boxes and nicely labeled and stacked in there. And what luck! This damn storm is just going to keep pouring that liquid of life right in to my storage area all weekend!

Not to mention that all I'll hear all night now is water hitting buckets. Wow, how lucky am I? I don't even have to buy one of those babbling brook nature sounds CDs.

Yes folks, all this can be yours in a few months when I move my soggy belongings you can move right in for just the low (ridiculous) price of $825 a month PLUS every friggin one of your utilities! For all that money you get to do fun things like play "cross the mine field". It's a fun game where you try and walk across my courtyard without stepping in dog shit because there are about 500 dog owners here and none of them pick up after their dogs. Not a one. Or perhaps if that's a little too extreme for you, then join in a game of "Fast and Furious: Parking Lot Burnouts." Fun for the whole family.

That's right folks, just shoot me an email if you'd like to have my slum lord put your name on the waiting list for this gem.

Fucking dump.