Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Shhh! Be verwee, verwee quiet....

...the moose upstairs is hibernating.

I have been living in my current apartment for over three years now. The tenants come in and out like a revolving door. I think I've been in my building the longest, second only to the water buffalo old lady that lives directly above me with her granddaughter.

I don't know her name but I do know that she's old and therefore is up STOMPING around at the butt crack dawn every day and gets up EIGHT times a night to use the bathroom. Flushing follows and I hear water drainage for 2 minutes. Then her rabid granddaughter constantly RUNS back and forth from room to room. That is the consequence I pay for living in an apartment complex.

For added effect I am surrounded on my floor by three apartments containing the following:

1) Wesley College Sorostitutes (with a severe underage drinking /partying problem)
2) Wesley College Football Players (who supply the habit of #1)
3) Dover AFB Airmen. (Actually they're nice guys)

All of which pound music and YELL drunken slurs each weekend, break bottles, and piss on the lawn.

So tonight I thought I'd sit down and enjoy a movie. I rented Flight of the Phoenix. I'm a big movie fan, (and a guy) so naturally I have a big screen and surround sound, both of which I used for the movie. I use them for every movie I've ever watched for the past three years.

However, tonight my movie was interrupted by the Good 'ol Boys. That's right, Dover PD pounded on my door as if I was some kind of crack dealer. I poked my head out looking for a video camera. But alas, I am not white trash and still had my shirt on so I wouldn't have made it past the editing room anyway.

They asked me to turn down my movie because "one of my neighbors" called with a complaint. They informed me that if they had to come back I would be donating $50 to the Dover PD weekend beer fund.

So I said "Blow me pig, you'll never take me alive" and slammed the door in his face...

Oh, wait, no I didn't. I happily obliged and they went back to their doughnuts and coffee.

Now here's my boggle. IF I did have the movie THAT loud, why didn't the moose just stomp the ground a few times? Or better yet, why didn't she just politely ASK me to turn it down? I must have been vibrating the piles of crack that she was trying to split up on her coffee table. And WHY doesn't it seem to bother her any other time? And even better yet, what about the drunken asses that turn our building into Spring Break every weekend?!?!?

That's it. I was looking for a reason to buy a house. Taking my movie watching experience away from me was the last draw.