Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Annual "Why I hate Christmas" Rant

I loathe this time of year. Mostly because it tends to bring out the worst in people. Tempers flare, stress levels increase, the weather is so cold it hurts to breathe and it's all inescapable.

I hate shopping. Period. If I need something, I go to the store, I go to the exact place in the store it sits, I grab it, and I take it to the register. End of story. This is why, for the past 5 years, I have managed to do almost 100% of my shopping online. No fuss. No lines. Right to my doorstep. Sometimes the stuff is even wrapped.

This year I've been so busy between rodent hunting and work, that I haven't really had time to talk to A) talk to my family to find out what they want, or B) sit down and find some cool things online.

Now, it's a week before Xmas, and I've got nothing. I'm at the point where if I manage to find something online, I have to pay out the ass (for shipping) to get it to my place in time.

So today I went to the Dover Mall.

My God, the chaos. The mall is about 2 minutes driving time from my apartment on any normal day. It took me 25 minutes to get there and find a space today. And I was sure to check the GPS coordinates in my Jeep before I got out just so that I could find it again. And we all know that holiday parking is a whole 'nother sport it itself.

This is the part I hate. People walking around shopping. No specific direction. No real destination. No awareness of anyone else around them.

Have 3 kids in a stroller? No problem. Bring them to the mall and let them yell and scream! In fact, keep talking to your family while they scream and roll around on the floor, because everyone enjoys that!

(on a side note, I actually hurdled a kid today whose parents were letting him run rampant. It was crowded and he was running and screaming like he owned the place. He only came up about my knee and as he squirmed around on the floor making everyone else stop, I just stepped over him. It's sometimes nice to be 6'5". I will admit that the look of surprise on his face was priceless as I did it though.)

Oh, and then there's the weird gypsy lady who grabbed me today. She was working one of those center island booths and I wasn't paying attention. The next thing you know she grabs my arm and starts waving this box thing around saying "no, no, let me show you..." I was already irritated at this point. I said "what are you doing?", and I pulled my hand away because I couldn't see what she had in her hand. She just kept saying "no, no let me...". I mean, I realize that women can't keep their hands off me but come on?! Turns out she was trying to rub hand lotion on my hands. I think home-girl needs to change her tactics.

So after getting so fed up with people, crowds, prices, lack of in-stock items, and spoiled-brats, everyone I know just ended up with gift cards. Hey, at least they're from different stores. One more straw and my whole family would be taking a shopping spree to whatever store was closest to where I parked.

Now I get to try and get ahead on my work because I'm taking Friday off, find time to wrap any gift cards, send out Xmas cards, do laundry, pack, and drive 10 hours to spend the holiday with relatives in 10 feet of snow drifts that are Erie, PA. Oh, and this is AFTER I come back from VA for work on Wednesday!

Tell me again, why this is the "most wonderful time of the year"?