Tuesday, December 27, 2005

There's a thin "Line" between genius and insanity

I'm back. Safe and sound. I've got a ton of things to do, but I thought my imaginary friends here on the web might enjoy this little sitcom-type adventure.

First, a little background info to bring you up to speed. I have two living grandmothers in Erie, PA. Since my parents are divorced, I get the wonderful pleasure of visiting with them separately.

My grandmother on my father's side is 82 and has had a quadruple bypass. So needless to say, she isn't the ball of fire she used to be. Oh, and she's 50% deaf.

Combine this with my aunt who never shuts up and is THE single most irritating person in history. Oh, and she has only one volume level: loud.

So I stop by and plan on visiting for a bit, maybe eating some good food. You know, old people stuff. When I get there, I find some of my extended relatives are there. Those ones you remember from family reunions but have no idea how they're related to you. Yes, THOSE ones. And they're pretty "vintage" too. In fact, I learn that the lady who is also 82, has the beginning stages of Alzheimer's . I know, I know, it's not nice to make fun of this but read the whole story and then you can hate me because I'm still going to make fun because it was quite comical.

It's Christmas Eve and my grandmother gets the bright idea that she would like to see Walk the Line, the new movie about Johnny Cash. (EXCELLENT movie btw, five stars!) This takes me by complete surprise because 1) It's Xmas Eve and 2) She's 82, half deaf, and has NEVER wanted to go to the movies in my lifetime.

So we pile the loud aunt, the deaf grandma, the senile relative, and her husband, into a minivan and go to see the movie.

Luckily there's not a single person in the whole theatre, because what followed was something straight out of a Three Stooges episode.

As the previews started, the senile lady asked my deaf grandmother what movie this was. My deaf grandmother said "WHAT?" and my loud aunt repeated the question into her good ear. Then I explained how this wasn't the movie yet, but just the previews. And the info was passed down the chain to the senile woman.

Five minutes later that process repeated itself.

And again.

The movie started. I passed the information on down the chain. Now Walk the Line is the type of movie that starts with the ending and quickly flashes you back to the stars as kids and then ends up back at the beginning again. Got that? Well, they didn't.

Then, the movie ages the Cash boys so fast that I just knew what was coming.

"Who's that? Is that Johnny Cash? Who's that guy?"

Every five minutes. Luckily by this time my loud aunt was following along and I no longer needed to participate in the circle of friends. But for the first half of the movie, until Johnny Cash was an adult, questions were flying.

Once he reached adulthood, the chatter settled down. Then Johnny got married.

Well Reese Witherspoon and the lady that played Cash's first wife look somewhat alike, so on went round two.

"Is that Johnny's wife? Is THAT Johnny's wife? What movie is this?"

Despite the hilarity, we made it though the movie and even managed to keep everyone from falling asleep. On the way out, the senile lady stopped in the Men's Room to use the bathroom and then we headed home.

Ah, the holidays...

Blog Note: In honor of the movie, I've updated the video on the sidebar!